The Top Five Ways
by Writing2Death
Summary: ...to Know When You've Hit Rock Bottom - By Merlin Emrys. Because Merlin's day could only get so bad before it bottomed out. Fluff, Slash, Merlin/Arthur.


**Title:** Top 5 Ways… to Know When You've Hit Rock Bottom  
**Author:** Writing2Death  
**Date:** March 31, 2010 – April 9, 2010  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** …to know when you've hit rock bottom. By Merlin Emrys.  
Notes:

This was brought about by entirely too much studying. Exams have murdered me and so I retaliated by procrastinating and writing this. Yes, I am a horrible student. So, the moral of the story is: Caffeine + headache + Physics + Chemistry + Spring = A Bad Day Fic.

This is dedicated to **Wren Hightower** (my usual beta) because it is her birthday on Sunday and she turns twenty. W00t!

Anyway: I don't own Merlin.

Enjoy and my apologies for the sap ending XD

* * *

**The Top Five Ways to Know When You've Hit Rock Bottom  
**By Merlin Emrys

-

_**5. **__Even getting out of bed, you know this day can't bring anything good to the table._

"You're a jerk."

This was probably a normal sentence most of the time but right now it was being uttered in a tired, slurred voice at an alarm clock that needed to be upgraded with a hammer. It made an annoying sort of sound, the kind that woke the dead from six feet under and routinely punctured innocent eardrums.

Merlin managed to extend his arm far enough to slap the offending clock. Possibly, it could have been more satisfying to beat it into submission but he wasn't sure if he could even lift his head high enough off the pillow to manage it.

Oh God, he was _dying_!

Merlin struggled to roll over onto his stomach, upending the two or three heavy textbooks that were littered on top of him. He also noticed that there were pencils, pens, an open pink highlighter, and his calculator squashed into his cheek. Great – now he had a permanent pink stain on his pillowcase.

His alarm clock was glaring at him in red, glowing numbers. It was apparently eight-thirty in the morning.

He blinked owlishly at it, trying to bully his foggy brain into listening to him. Why was that important? Merlin forced himself to sit up, shuffling the stupid Chemistry texts away from him.

And then he froze.

Oh, no. Oh _no!_

Why was it always him?

Okay, so he had half an hour to get from his house to his chemistry exam worth forty-two percent of his grade.

He scrambled out of the tangle of blankets and limbs and threw on the first clothes he pulled from his closet, shoved everything in his bag, and brushed his teeth. Oh, please, God, he needed those marks.

Only tripping over his stray Physics textbook he'd left in the middle of the living room floor a few nights ago once, he managed to stumble out the door with one very longing look back at his coffee machine.

-

Whoever decided Spring was a good season anyway?

Merlin decided he hated Spring when he fell running across the field trying to get to the Athletic Centre before nine. And now he had mud spattered all up his jeans. Lovely. Thanks.

He burst through the doors dramatically to find the foyer empty save for two or three students sitting against the wall with their calculators in hand.

He had a small, very painful heart attack. Oh no, they've started all ready!

But then he noticed Gwen sitting in the corner with her text propped open in her lap, picking at a muffin and leisurely drinking coffee.

… What?

He made his way over to her, lugging his sinfully heavy bag with him. Still out of breath, he panted, "Where is everyone?"

She looked up at him, taking in his appearance and raised her eyebrows, "Hello to you too, Merlin."

"But, but, … the exam?"

"Is at ten?" she asked.

"Really?"

But … no, that wasn't right. He'd definitely checked the website last night. He was _sure_ the Chemistry exam was at nine. "Are you sure? I thought Chem… the site said…"

Gwen frowned, "The Chemistry exam is at nine."

"But you just said –" Merlin's brain felt a bit like mush at this point. He wished Gwen would make sense.

She sighed, patting his arm sympathetically, "Merlin, the Chem exam's tomorrow. We have Physics today."

Oh. Oh no. _Why?!_

And while he was busy having a small metal breakdown because he'd spent six hours the night previous going over enthalpy and reaction kinetics instead of Torque and Fluid Dynamics, Gwen was staring at him.

"Did you know you have pink highlighter on your face?"

-

**4. **_You are definitely convinced that even inanimate objects hate you._

Merlin was having difficulty breathing and his head was _throbbing_. This (allergies and sinus headaches) was another thing about Spring that should DIE.

It didn't help that the kid next to him in the exam room (possibly named Owain? He was pretty sure the guy was in his psychology seminar) kept glaring at him every time he sniffled. Well, he was _sorry_ but he couldn't exactly help it.

When the invigilator came around to look at everyone's student cards and make them sign the stupid card, Merlin discovered that his had somehow run away between the bus ride to the university this morning and now. Great. He had to dig to the bottom of his bag full of Chemistry stuff to find his driver's license. Thankfully, and very disapprovingly, they took it.

It didn't help matters that all three of his mechanical pencils broke. Simultaneously. As he clicked at one furiously (Gwen shot him a long-suffering look), trying to make it work, he seriously considered stabbing himself in the eye with it instead. Maybe then he'd go to the hospital and he could finish the exam later.

He didn't know any of the answers anyway.

-

"Are you all right?" Gwen asked as they squeezed through the throng of people fighting to get out of the hall all at once.

"I'm never all right," was his answer.

She gave him a sympathetic look as he attempted to get through the gate thing that spun. His bag caught on it and was refusing to let go. He tugged and the strap came clean off just as the bottom seam split. His Chemistry texts went everywhere and his notes scattered. Also, he was pretty sure that cracking sound his calculator made when it hit the stone couldn't be called healthy. And now people were trying to get past. One girl he remembered from his Biology tutorial, Vivian, looked at him like he was something ugly stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

Gwen was biting at her lip to keep from laughing.

This was a very bad day.

-

_**3. **__You've started keeping a stack of napkins by you… just in case._

Merlin was staring at himself in the mirror. Okay. Today couldn't get worse because it all ready sucked. That's was he told himself.

He and his presentation team for Anthropology were meeting today to run through their final draft. He could (maybe?) get through (possibly?) this (… hopefully?) without any mishaps. And by mishaps he definitely meant that one time he accidently tripped during his part of the presentation, knocked into Arthur, who'd knocked into Lance, who'd knocked into Freya, who'd screamed so loudly that the professor from the next room actually came over just to check that no one had died. That … that had been bad.

Merlin had taken the liberty of bringing the group coffee this time. Midterms were always hell on everyone and if you stepped on someone's last nerve, it might just be the last place you stepped. And so, being the lovely and nice person he was (not like _Gwen_, who laughed at other people and their misfortunes), he decided that making a coffee run was good for everyone. Also it was warm and sweet and he was hoping that coffee would make his throat stop hurting. And he felt a bit sleep deprived.

He made his way up to the third floor of the of the least used Arts building, feeling very proud of himself when he managed to make it all the way up there without spilling everything down his front. Smiling he made to open the door, balancing the coffee tray dangerously in one hand.

_And _he even managed to get into the room and close the door without spilling it! The day was looking up.

"It's about time, _Mer_lin!" Arthur said from the table, looking annoyed. He and Lance already had their notes laid out in front of them. Merlin smiled at him and Arthur stood up, wrenching the coffee from Merlin's hand mumbling something that sounded like, "should _never_ be allowed to hold things".

Freya had chosen that moment to enter the room, smiling shyly. The door swung open and Merlin wasn't paying attention (and he often berated himself for this because, really how hard was it? His Uncle Gaius told him that if his head wasn't screwed on, he'd forget where he left it. Merlin told his Uncle Gaius that he was cliché) and the door smacked him in the back.

Unfortunately, the only place for Merlin to go was forward.

Unfortunately, Arthur was still holding the tray of coffee.

Well, at least this time it hadn't ended up on _him_.

-

**2. **_Your boss is threatening to kill you if you don't have your paper in on time. You know she isn't kidding._

"You really have no hand-eye coordination, do you?" Arthur asked exasperatedly.

This would have been a very nice response to someone spilling four coffees all over you but Arthur had only done it after yelling for ten minutes straight.

"But it wasn't even my fault this time!" Merlin protested.

"That was my favourite shirt and I don't even have another one with me."

"Sorry."

There was an awkward silence as Arthur tried in vain to rub the coffee stain out of his white shirt. They were standing in the bathroom and Arthur had his shirt off and Merlin was trying very, very hard to keep his eyes where they were supposed to be.

"So," Arthur began, "I was wondering –"

But he was cut off as the door opened.

"Merlin, so help me God, why aren't you at the meeting?! Do you know how long it took me to track you down?"

Merlin turned nervously, wondering who told her where he was. He would almost bet his life it was Freya. Not because she thought it was funny but because she was so nice that it wouldn't occur to her that the person she was talking to was possibly psychopathic.

"Morgana, you do know this is the men's bathroom, right?"

She waved it away like it wasn't important, "Where've you been?"

"Um…"

Arthur interrupted, "Morgana, get out,"

She rolled her eyes, "Shut up, Arthur."

Oh, my God, Merlin thought. Someone please put me out of my misery.

She completely ignored him and marched up to Merlin, straight in his face. Merlin thought that it might not have been entirely fitting of him to be completely intimidated by a woman who was shorter than him even with the three-inch heels she was wearing. "If I don't see that Top Five list on my desk by the end of the day, you will _wish_ that you never signed up to write it for _The Camelot Star_ in the first place."

And then she walked out dramatically, heels clicking. The only thing Merlin could think was, no one reads that paper anyway.

-

He scrambled into the office a half hour later (after managing to find some Tide-to-Go from some random student who may or may not have been named Sophia. Sophia scared the crap out of him. As soon as she heard it was for Arthur, she was ready to donate her own shirt. Merlin wasn't convinced that this was an entirely appropriate gesture).

"Do you have my list?" was the first thing Morgana asked, her head bent over the latest article she was going over.

"Not yet," Merlin managed.

"Why are you hanging around my step-brother anyway?" Morgana asked sounding a tiny bit disgusted.

"Arthur's your step-brother?"

"What, do you live under a rock?"

Gwen, sitting at the table enjoying a late lunch with a pen in her hand, laughed. Merlin thought the world was unfair.

-

**1. **_When you're even a little bit grateful for all the __**bad**__ things that have happened because, in relation to the __**very bad**__ things that have happened, they seem decent. And the very bad things that have happened, seem pleasant in comparison to the __**doom-ish**__ things that have happened.  
In summary, your motto for life is "worse can happen", and then it does._

Basically, Merlin thought as he sat waiting for the bus in the rain (because it was always raining. Why did Spring even _exist?_), life sucked.

Usually, Merlin was pretty optimistic. He had to be because bad luck was something that followed him around like a flea-bitten puppy. It was kind of cute if he tilted his head and squinted - inevitably why he seemed to continuously do things that brought him more bad luck, he was sure.

He wasn't finished the list Morgana wanted from him but he was pretty sure he knew the direction he was going to take with it:

_The Top Five Ways to Know When You've Hit Rock Bottom._

Because he really, really had.

But, Merlin was optimistic. What he needed to do was go home, make sure Will hadn't burnt the flat down, study for Chemistry for nine hours (again), and pray to anyone who would listen that he didn't fail his Physics exam.

A car drove by, its tire catching on a particularly large puddle. Merlin wasn't impressed by the wave of water that was dumped on him, making him wetter than he already was.

"Thanks!" he called after it, raising a hand and knowing it was useless.

Another rolled up and he flinched, raising his arms to cover his face. After a minute when the splash didn't come, he hesitantly lowered them, peaking out through the gaps in his fingers.

"_Mer_lin, what are you doing?"

Arthur was parked on the curb of the road with his window rolled down, squinting into the rain with an exasperated expression on his face.

"I'm sunbathing." Merlin said, deadpan.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Get in, you idiot. I'll drive you home. Though why you don't have an umbrella when it's clearly a crap day out is a mystery to me."

Merlin almost refused on the grounds that Arthur is a prat but then he remembers that he was on time for the last bus … but it had driven right by him with the sign _Sorry Bus Full_ highlighted.

"But… I'm all wet."

Arthur shrugged and when Merlin still didn't move, he said, "Well, come on, I don't have all day!"

Well, maybe today was looking up? (He was hesitant to say that since last time he'd jinxed the whole thing.) Merlin slid into the car, happy to feel the heat and leaving as much of the rain outside as he could.

This is what he remembers happening after that:

He remembers hearing some truly horrible music coming from the radio and wondering what the hell Arthur was listening to. He remembers being offered some chocolate.

Merlin loved chocolate and so he accepted.

Well, that had been a bad idea.

-

**The Top Way to Make a Bad Day Good Again  
**By Merlin Emrys

_Land yourself in a hospital and …  
Something about that doesn't sound right…_

When Merlin woke up to the beeping of a heart monitor, he knew that his day could not possibly get any worse.

"Did you know," a voice drawled next to him, "that you are an idiot?"

Merlin had meant to reply with something witty like, "I'm hearing that a lot lately" but it had come out more like, "huh?"

Arthur was sitting at his bedside, lounging back in a chair.

Oh, Merlin possibly remembered now. There as quite a bit of panicking ("What do you mean you can't _breathe?!_") and some really frantic searching through his bag to find his EpiPen – looking back, Merlin thought he probably lost it when his bag split coming out of the Physics exam.

"You scared me half to death!" Arthur said.

"Sorry," Merlin said, bringing his hand to his head, trying to ward off another foggy headache.

"Well, you might've told me you were allergic to nuts! Then none of this would have ever happened."

Merlin had an insane urge to stick his tongue out at Arthur childishly and tried to squish it, a small smile lifting the edges of his lips instead, "I didn't know the chocolate would have nuts. Sorry."

"_Sorry?_" Arthur repeated, "You almost died, you moron."

This time he couldn't squash the childish part of him. He stuck his tongue out and Arthur's lips quirked upwards.

There was a pause and Merlin wondered if the hospital had called his mum who was listed as his emergency contact. Then he winced, wondering if Will was here – he never did very well in hospitals.

Instead of asking any of these questions, Merlin just sat up a bit more and smiled. "Thank-you for staying. You didn't have to."

Arthur looked as though he was trying to suppress embarrassment. "Someone had to make sure you survived. That or I needed to get Lance to help me hide your body and that would have taken so much more effort."

Merlin laughed, "Haha, very funny."

"So Gwen and Morgana are coming as soon as that can – or, anyway, Morgana says Gwen has a Stats exam tonight and so they might see you at home instead." Arthur said, leaning forward so his chin rested in his hand.

Merlin groaned, "Was that really necessary? I'll never be able to get them to leave and – oh my God, I have a Chemistry exam tomorrow!"

Arthur laughed, "Calm yourself. Do you want Nurse Collins to come back in here? She's scary."

"I'm sure," Merlin responded dryly. "Do you want to write the Chem exam in my place? Because I could definitely take your section of Anthro…" He was joking… sort of.

"You'll be fine." Arthur said, his hand on the bed rail.

Okay. This was weird. This was… a conversation between him and Arthur that was… nice? Actually, Merlin thought, his brow furrowing, he'd been especially nice when he'd offered him a ride as well.

"What?" Arthur asked.

Merlin looked at him, "Why are you here?"

"I thought we already established that – you went into anaphylactic shock in my car!" Arthur said with heat.

Merlin nodded, "I know but, I mean –"

Arthur was definitely flushing this time, "Why won't you ever come out for lunch with me?" he asked suddenly.

"What?"

It was true – Arthur had asked him every Monday (their Anthro presentation meeting day) to come out for lunch afterwards but he also asked Lance and Freya as well. "I always bring my lunch." Merlin said blankly.

Arthur stared at him like he was stupid and then Merlin realised what they were talking about.

He blushed red, feeling his face heat up, "But I thought you were just being nice! You asked everyone else too!"

Arthur passed a hand over his face muttering something that sounded like, "- the _thickest_ –" and then he sighed, "I only - only after I asked you!"

Merlin felt really, really stupid now. Also, this was possibly the most awkward conversation he'd ever had, even worse than that time Will – wait, what?

"You – you like me?" Merlin asked, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Arthur rolled his eyes and looked away, scoffing.

The Merlin smiled widely, "Really?"

That wasn't dignified with an answer – at least not a verbal one.

In a swift movement, catching him a little off guard, Arthur slotted his mouth over Merlin's. He gasped in surprise, his hands coming up to cup Arthur's face.

They separated after a minute. "Does that answer your question?" Arthur answered smirking arrogantly.

"Oh, shut up, you giant prat," Merlin said, pulling him in for another kiss.

Merlin thought that this day, a very, very bad day, had quite possibly turned into one of the best days. Had he totally and completely hit rock bottom? Yes.

But now there was nowhere to go but up.


End file.
